26 February 2016

Holy Crap! The Ring versus The Grudge Movie is Coming and I Don’t Know Who Would Win

Horror movie aficionados, we are going to need you on this one.  I’m a grown man and it just so happens that I am a grown who has patrolled the streets of Iraq and seen a thing or two.  But nothing, and I mean nothing, terrifies me like evil children.  Should I ever find myself driving on a dark country road only to find a small child in the middle of the street pointing at me I’m probably hitting the gas rather than finding out what is going on with the kid.  And when it comes to the world of evil children, I can think of few more frightening than that chick who fell down a well in The Ring and that messed up kid with his mom from The Grudge.  What the heck is wrong with the Japanese and where do they come up with this stuff? Well, buckle your seatbelts and lock your doors, because there is a new sequel and it is The Ring versus The Grudge and we are going to hash it out as to who would win.

Sadako Yamamura

That is the fancy Japanese name for that long haired girl in the Ring.  It might have been a Japanese horror film classic before it made its way to America, but the first time I saw that girl funk her way out of a T.V. I about lost my red, white, and blue junk.  To be honest, I don’t even know how she kills people but the fact that when she does it looks like the victims have literally been scared to death is absolutely horrifying.


Granted, she seems to move slow and I figure if you could just close your eyes and start swinging away with a Louisville Slugger you might actually stand a chance.  Personally, I’m a fan of the good ole second Amendment and she might very well take me in the end due to her supernatural abilities, but when they find me with my horrified face they will see me on top of a pile of brass.  I don’t know how you kill the girl from the Ring.  She didn’t even seem to care that the reporter lady went and got her dead body out of the well.  She has no remorse and apparently no gratitude.

Kayako Saeki

Once again, a fancy name for that girl from The Grudge.  But she is not the one who actually scares the living daylights out of me.  It was that freaking little Japanese kid who just opened his mouth wide like a little monster. Again, ghosts don’t scare me, evil kids, very much so.  The back story is that this lady was murdered by her husband and then he killed her son when he witnessed it.  So that makes this ghost pair a tag team event.


Her powers seem to be the ability to teleport, shapeshift, and freak people the freak out.  If you follow the old Japanese legend it would appear she has the ability to drag people into the underworld.  She can appear out of nowhere and when she shows up, death usually follows.  Plus her kid, that freaking weirdo Japanese ghost kid.  That freaking kid.

I hope your happy Hash it Out world.  It’s going to take a solid quantity of good bourbon to get me to sleep tonight but I laid the framework for you.  This movie is coming and I have no idea who would win because the thought of these two mixing it up is ridiculously terrifying.  If you like horror movies, or worse yet you like the messed up stuff the Japanese come up with, you tell me.  The Ring versus The Grudge.  Do your research and tell me, who would win because it is happening whether we like it or not.



Jeff Edwards