07 August 2015

Open Mouth–Insert Foot!

It’s kind of a slow week out there in celebrity land. And sure, many celebrities can make entertainment news headlines for something as simple as passing gas, but we’re just not seeing much out there this week worth hashing out.

th-6Kylie Jenner of the Kardashian celebrity clan getting a rabbit and naming it “Bruce” in honor of her former father isn’t grabbing us. Nor is Katy Perry’s ongoing feud with Taylor Swift.

Michael Phelps vowing to give up drinking until after the 2016 Olympics in Rio? Big yawn, but we did notice that he neglected to make any vows regarding bong hits.

Chanel West Coast arrested for battery? We almost said “who?” but suppose that maybe one or two of our readers could be fans.

Caitlyn Jenner struggling with wearing a bathing suit? No brainer, as man bits just don’t look good in a bikini.

Given this dearth of real celebrity news, let’s play “Celebrity Foot-In-Mouth.” We’ll provide details on recent incidents of apparent celebrity spoken gaffes, and you, our readers, hash out which celebrity inserted their foot the deepest into their own mouth. As with most of our games, there are no correct answers, winners or trophies, but you get the distinct pleasure of hashing it out about your favorite–or not so favorite–celebrities. Here goes:

Kelly Osbourne: “If you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?”

The reality TV star definitely tasted some toe jam when she uttered this remark while guest hosting The View. While Kelly was attempting to throw a barb at The Donald for his recent offensive remarks about immigration and Mexicans, the insinuation that only Latinos clean toilets was cringe-worthy at best. For her part, Kelly kind of apologized for the remark with a Facebook posting in which she concluded: “By the way I clean my own f—king toilets.” Perhaps her apology would have come across as more heartfelt had it been posted with photographic evidence.

Miles Teller: “I think I’m better looking than the public thinks I am.”

OK, Miles, with a comment like that we can understand why Esquire magazine pretty much called you a dick. And your defensive Tweet–“I don’t think there’s anything cool or entertaining about being a dick or an asshole”–ain’t helping your case much, dude….

Ellin LaVar: not an exact quote but–Bobbi Kristina Brown’s funeral was “perfect.”

Ellin LaVar? Yeah, who? Ellin LaVar was Whitney Houston’s hairstylist, and in Celebrity Land hair stylists are apparently celebrities in their own right (her name seems to have a nice celebrity like ring, too). Anyway, Ms. LaVar makes the pages because, well, we’re sorry, but there’s no such thing as a “perfect” funeral. In fact, funerals generally suck. The only person with any reason to equate that last goodbye with “perfect” and similar descriptions offered by Ms. LaVar would be the funeral director.

Rick Perry: “All the way back to when Ronald Raven signed a piece of legislation that basically allowed for amnesty for over four million people and the border is still not secure.”th-7

Perhaps calling him a “celebrity” might be a stretch, but the Republican presidential candidate lit up the Twitterverse–#RonaldRaven–after he flubbed the name of the 40th U.S. President during this week’s GOP “Happy Hour” debate. We’ll bet his shoe leather tastes pretty good.

Chris Brown: “Just sucks that some females use children as meal tickets.”

This might not even rate as a “foot-in-mouth” comment; however, as the rap singer has a history of domestic violence against women he should be careful with his comments. It should also be noted that the female he is referencing in regard to a paternity suit isn’t really trying to gouge the singer excessively, given his estimated earnings.

Allure magazine: “You (Yes, You) Can Have an Afro, Even If You Have Straight Hair” –headline posted with a photo of a white girl sporting an afro.

While not “celebrities,” we trust the editors at this magazine recently had pedicures as they’ve been collectively reeling from the backlash they received after publishing an article on afros that completely ignored the hairstyle’s cultural and historical significance to blacks. The company has been back peddling furiously since the internet firestorm began, and released several statements trying to mitigate the damage. Their latest statement concludes: “We hear your feedback loud and clear, and we’re working to make sure our future stories reflect all perspectives.”

Donald Trump: Nope!

You would think he’d be included here, given the breadth of his controversial commentary. However, The Donald can’t be said to put his foot in mouth, because he totally stands behind everything he says. No need for back peddling, and thus, no need to remove an offending foot.

–M.J. Moye



M.J. Moye