03 February 2016

Batman v Superman Is a Ridiculous Fight That Wouldn’t Last a Second


Don’t get me wrong, the movie actually looks pretty awesome. Anytime you can get Batman, Superman, and apparently even Wonder Woman into the same movie is all right with me. Now, I’m a big fan of the superhero movies but I must confess that I’m not a comic book aficionado. I read them as a kid growing up but didn’t really follow the storylines beyond a single issue or two. But recognizing the limits of my comic book expertise doesn’t stop me from thinking logically that an actual fight between Batman and Superman would be absolutely ridiculous. The movie comes out in March, but I personally think this is a debate that we need to have now before the first showing so we can see who really knows their stuff.  Let’s hash it out ladies and gentlemen.

It’s the Freaking Man of Steel

Honestly, I think mini-me from the Austin Powers series would have a better chance of defeating former UFC champ Brock Lesnar than Batman would of defeating Superman. But to be honest, it is not even about whether or not Batman could win, but could he even stay in the fight for second apart from the fact that Superman willingly allowed it. Now, Superman did die in a comic once, but it came from a monster with greater strength than the caped crusader.

Batman dies via goodcomics.comicbookresources.com

Batman dies via goodcomics.comicbookresources.com

How is Batman going to hurt Superman? Now I know that you’re about to tell me Batman must have kryptonite, but we don’t know that yet. So yes, if Batman has kryptonite then he has a chance but that is the only way that this thing happens and it almost seems a little too obvious.

Perhaps if you follow the comic books and already know what’s going to happen you can find a way to enlighten us in this debate without completely spoiling the movie, but until you do I’m not buying it. In my opinion, one roundhouse kick from Superman takes off that man’s head and that’s the end of the story.  Superman could just shoot eye beams right at the unprotected mouth of Affleck and that’s it, game over man.

But Batman Has Gadgets and Stuff

In one of the trailers, you can clearly see Superman standing in the middle the road as the Batmobile strikes him going full speed.  The result? Batmobile crashes and Superman doesn’t even move. I don’t care if Batman has a Bat-plane, Bat-tank, or bat-AC130 Gunship, Superman isn’t budging.


Personally, and again apart from the kryptonite explanation, if this movie is anything other than Superman slapping Batman around according to his will I’m going to cry foul. I don’t mind spending a little bit of disbelief for the sake of enjoying a good movie, but I don’t like being patronized.  Batman is smart, resourceful, and tough.  I’ll give you that.  But Superman is an Alien made strong by the sun, so suck it Batman.

You can’t destroy the sun and you can’t destroy Superman without kryptonite.  But now it is your turn to weigh into the debate.  For now is the season to have this debate with your friends, place a little side bet, and then find out in March if Batman really does make Superman bleed like he promised in the trailer.  Put me down for $20 bucks on Superman, but what say you? Share it with your friends and make them declare the truth before the movie hits.



Jeff Edwards